Sunday, 16 May 2021

I couldn't make this sh!t up!

So today they tried to make Mummy make a forced error...but like Serena (after whom my sister was named) Mummy lept across to the other side of the court, and - WHAM - smashed that b!tch hard on the other side of the net.

Mummy made that flight despite the boss' best efforts, after high-tailing it back to Ellenbrook to drop Stinky off with the old crew. 

How much of a psychopath do you have to be to use a dog as a pawn--using Stinky to make Mummy miss her flight, not be able to make it to work tomorrow, thus giving the boss a -however brazenly manufactured - reason to fire her.

I'm going to drop the word "lawyer" into a couple of sentences tomorrow and see what happens. Everybody knows the 2nd most popular sport in America is filing lawsuits. Might as well embrace the stereotype.

Monday, 10 May 2021

Chapter 1



My full name is Sylvie Ramona Bluebell Apple. Mummy remembers the exact moment she named me...she was standing in line at the IGA in Fortitude Valley. It might have been a Friday night. I'm pretty sure it was raining. Mummy remembers something about tabloids being on display by the cash register. (The latter part is completely irrelevant, but I reckon that's a pretty good memory for someone who has had as many seizures as Mummy has. If indeed that memory is correct. Like I said--completely irrelevant). In any event, she was stewing about what to call me. It had to be perfect; to be an exact fit for my little personality.

I'm the only one with two middle names: 'Ramona', because I, ostensibly, "looked like a Ramona", and 'Bluebell', because all the babies have flower middle names.  Even the boys got flower or plant middle names--Sammy's middle name was 'Edelweiss.' Luckily no one ever made fun of him because of it. Certainly not me--you know what they say about glass houses and all that...

Speaking of which, I came from a place north of Brisbane, not far from the eponymous mountains. They drove me all the way to the city in the back of a van. I was (understandably, I think) quite jumpy, seeing that I was far too young for such an undertaking, and furthermore, no one had bothered to ask my opinion with respect to said voyage. Little did I know that day, I was on my way to meet the love of my life.


I couldn't make this sh!t up!

So today they tried to make Mummy make a forced error...but like Serena (after whom my sister was named) Mummy lept across to the other side...